Skeletor

He-Man was one of my favourite cartoons back in the 1980s. Of course back then every cartoon was my favourite and little has changed since, but I digress. He-Man was the hero of that particular cartoon and as all heroes do he had an arch rival, a loathsome troublemaker named Skeletor who, as you might have guessed, is the subject of this article.

There comes a time in peoples lives when they feel the urge to settle down and replicate themselves. It has something to do with biological clocks; I suspect mine is faulty. So one bright sunny Sunday – I’m stating Sunday as though this is fact when really, this is just a guess – one bright Sunday a little bouncing baby boy is born to two loving parents and they feel their lives have instantly changed for the better. They adore their little bundle of joy and shower him with love and affection. And decide to name him Skeletor.

Really, what chance did poor little Skeletor have? From the get-go the child was being subconsciously programmed to be evil. His life would start out fine, and he would learn to respond to the name Skeletor. Later, while still a very young child he would learn about skeletons. Skeletons are a bad sign; pirates use the skull and cross bones to warn peace loving folk they’re about to have an unpleasant day. When people die, their flesh rots away until all that’s left are their skeletons. Serial killers murder their victims and the news loves showing the remains of the poor victims’ skeletons if the opportunity arises.

And in the middle of all this turmoil sits innocent little Skeletor. Skeleton. Skeletor. He was bound to notice the resemblance sooner or later. He was named after all things unpleasant; after death, pain and suffering. So despite growing up in a loving, nurturing environment, when faced with one of those few critical, life altering decisions we all face at one time or another, it should come as little surprise that Skeletor chose the path less followed and rebeled against the hero rather than chose to be the hero himself.

On some random Thursday – and once again this is a guess, the actual events may just as likely have occurred on a Monday – on some random Thursday little Skeletor arrives home after ballet class and informs his parents that he’d like to be ruler of the universe when he grows up. Consequently, rather than be a productive member of society – an accountant or something of the sort – he would much rather dominate all life and exact harsh retribution against all those who dare to oppose him. And if possible he’d like to begin his career by microwaving the family cat.

Naturally his parents would be devastated; their hopes of him attending some prestigious university dashed in an instant. They would likely try to convince him that being evil isn’t, well, good, which little Skeletor would see as opposition to his plans of domination and would thus result in the untimely elimination of his parents; a social faux pas of the highest order.

And so Skeletor’s life would slowly snowball into oblivion. Society would attempt to exact vengeance upon him for dispatching his parents which would make him an outcast. His only friends would likely be chosen from those handed a similar lot in life and Skeletor’s criminal career would formally being, and soon be a thing of legend.

It’s little wonder then that Skeletor was He-Man’s nemesis. And quite frankly, with a name like Skeletor, what else might one expect?