Truth

It was a little after midnight when Little Billy stared out his window, rifle in hand, preparing for the coming doom. He’d been too young to remember the turn of the century, but his parents often told him stories of how, come year 2000, all computers would malfunction and rise up to rid the world of humans. And so to protect both themselves and him, they stock-piled ammunition, re-located to a remote island devoid of all technology and trained Little Billy to shoot anything that moved for his own safety.

Rather unfortunately, but quite accurately nonetheless, Little Billy was responsible for the death of both his parents several seconds after receiving his orders, as his father patted him on the back, and his mother ran away in horror. Little Billy did notice himself move in the process, but after blowing off a pinky toe decided that perhaps his parents were less than truthful.

Nevertheless time passed on and Little Billy grew ever more lonely, forgetting the exact words of his parents but remembering the shoot first and ask questions later policy that was key to survival, unless survival required movement. He never did manage to reconcile both those thoughts.

And so it was a little after midnight on February the fourteenth that Little Billy saw an adorable baby cherub with wings and a bow and arrow fly by his home, wondering if a little more love might be spread in the world. Smiling serenly, Cupid snuck through the window of Little Billy’s bedroom and giggled at the lovely mischief he occupied his time with. When naturally, Little Billy opened fire from his command post, well camouflaged high up a coconut tree, and shattered the bones in both Cupid’s legs. Noticing the bow and arrow, Little Billy took aim once again, destroying any hopes the baby had of flying away, or ever using a bow and arrow again.

It had been many years since Little Billy had grilled steaks for supper. After all, the island was rather small and Little Billy was an excellent marksman. So he savoured his Valentine’s meal, of course unaware that it was Valentine’s day. And people all over the world rejoiced for never having to see the annoying, nude, flying baby cherub ever again.